When you least expect it – those emotions appear! ….

Photo courtesy of Disney Pixar Inside Out film.

I loved watching the film Inside Out, it’s a great concept to think tiny people in my head are choosing my emotions and filing core memories. I would say that I’m most like Joy. My daughter thinks Disgust on the basis of my coeliac disease! 

Relating this film to my cancer journey so far, I would say that Sadness definitely has taken a much more prominent role in my emotions. The concept of “lying on the floor and having a good cry” has been a comforting to me (although haven’t quite done the lying on the floor thing!)

Most of the time I’m quite positive and composed, but I have found over recent months that there has been many times when I least expected it, my emotions appear. 

Take an example this week, I popped into the bank and I noticed they had a leaflet (behind the cashier) on those affected by cancer. I asked the lady for a leaflet. Straight away she said “Is it for a friend?” I  reply (in a small voice) “No it’s for me actually.” I wasn’t prepared for her reaction, the look of horror, not knowing what to say. I could feel my emotions rising (but I managed to hold it together until I got back to the car).

 You see I don’t see myself as ill at the moment – I was before my operation and whilst chemo is the hardest thing I’ve ever done with all the terrible side effects, I know that it’s the best possible chance for me to beat cancer – for good! 

My neighbour kindly made me this t-shirt (which he designed himself) – pretty awesome, don’t you think but sums up my thoughts exactly!   Being diagnosed with bowel cancer has changed my outlook to my life, definitely for the better I think. I’m looking forward to cracking on with living my life after treatment – but one thing for sure -I’m going to have no regrets, enjoy each day, but most importantly I shall remember this quote…….. 

Don’t worry guardian angel, I’ll make sure you’re keeping up with me! I promise! 😉

So whilst sadness will linger in and out of my cancer journey, I definitely intend to get joy involved as much as possible. 

Deborah X 



2 thoughts on “When you least expect it – those emotions appear! ….

  1. I really love this post, the T-shirt and the guardian angel quote. I often find I’m holding it together for friends and family but completely losing it on little irritating things like coming back from the supermarket and realising I’ve forgotten a key item! Xxx


    1. Hi Carol thank you. I know what you mean. I’m proper suffering from chemo brain so half the time I walk into a room thinking – what did I come in for? If it’s not written down then it’s forgotten in about 5 minutes! Xxx


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