Which way is the emergency exit? 

Ok so it’s less than 1 week until “C” day. How am I feeling? I’m one of those people that will always give something a go (even if I’m pretty scared). For example on holiday abroad when I was 17 I went on a banana boat in Ibiza – I was petrified but I was with my friends and thought why not? I didn’t enjoy it one bit – I got winded when I got thrown off the boat into the water and proceeded to have an asthma attack in which the Spanish man on the boat thought I got stung by a jelly fish!

Another example – in my early twenties I went paragliding off a boat in Cyprus, again I wasn’t too sure but agreed to “give it a go”. I was petrified and couldn’t wait for it to be over (mainly due to the banana boat incident I now developed a fear of being dropped into the water).

So where am I heading with this? Well with regards to my chemotherapy treatment it’s different. I know I have no choice and that having the treatment is the best possible chance of beating cancer BUT…. At the moment I’m looking for an emergency exit. If I could take that right now then I would! 

 Also I’d like to have the ability to stop time. Wouldn’t that be great? I think my main worries about this at the moment is that I feel great and well – the best I’ve felt in about 12 to 18 months and really don’t want to go back to not feeling well. I’d actually forgot what feeling well is like and I LOVE IT!!

Having cancer is life changing and this is definitely the hardest challenge of my life and whilst it’s nothing like the examples I’ve described when I was scared about doing something (which lets face it should have been fun), I’m going to approach this treatment in much the same way – “I’ll give it a go”…….

Deborah x


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